There is a lovely if not kind of disgusting aphorism that states that men never throw away old underwear; it just eventually disintegrates into dust never to be seen again. This can likely be applied to much of most guys’ wardrobes after the age of twenty-five, wherein the destructive onslaught levied against said garments tends to taper off. Now, obviously there is a large variance here dependent on use (or misuse) and care. For example, dress wear often tends to last indefinitely and only gets updated due to change in styles (maybe that Zoot suit you bought in ’97 just ain’t cutting it anymore) or said wearer’s physical changes (more muscle, more weight, more fat or whatever direction things go with your midlife crisis). Both potentials are possible (you can throw down some sweet dance moves no matter what your attire), but the latter possibilities are inescapable.
On a personal level, I’ve fought being a fat kid since I was … a kid. My family was heavy on both sides. My pediatrician told my mom that I had a large frame (you’re not fat; you just have big bones … ugh). Buying my clothes in the Husky section at JCPenney’s was not a confidence builder. My football coaches said I was built like a fireplug (fire hydrant if you aren’t hip to Victorian-era slang). Nowadays, I would be told I had an athletic build or specific to running or cycling that I had sprinter legs. Thanks, I guess (insert eyeroll emoji).
Issues aside, I generally found what worked for me and stuck with it. My attire solutions had to take in account that my weight fluctuated, and this became more of problem after the age of thirty when my metabolism slowed to a crawl. Elastic waistbands always bummed me out. I despise sweatpants and most track-suit-style pants as well. Drawstrings aren’t much better. It simply appears like I’ve given up and I think it looks sloppy. Sure, I could just wear Lycra cycling shorts/bibs and I have for road and cyclocross-dressing, but I prefer shorts over a liner for my off-roading (mis)adventures. I like the extra protection, the convenience of pockets, and not appearing like a sausage in too small a casing if I was in one of my waxing weight phases. Most cycling shorts have a fixed waistline with a modicum of give, if not one of the styles I don’t care for. Sometimes this is fine, but if I’ve thickened, they’re too tight (back to the sausage analogy) or too loose, and getting snagged on my saddle or letting everyone see my liner or tuchus.
This brings me to Tasco Scout shorts. These have been around for seven years or more and I don’t recall there being much fanfare about them. I found a few old reviews and/overviews dating back to 2020 which was when I bought my first pair. I have never seen anyone else wearing them. This seems odd as they have a reasonable price, are beyond bulletproof, and Tasco’s CS is topnotch. I do not recall how I first came across them, but I dipped my toe in purchasing a single pair in a matte purple (plum) shade. I’d never seen any purple riding shorts and thought why not?
The Scout shorts are made with a recycled material called Repreve and are a stretch polyester-spandex blend. This material is of the middle to heavier weight variety and has a smooth matte sheen to it. I would qualify it as not being the most breathable of options, but it dries decently well and is super durable. I’ve landed on them in every way possible and worn these nonstop since first purchasing them. They show zero wear marks and no tears or frayed seams. The Scout’s three zippered pockets are perfect for my usual ride bits and more as the material has enough stretch as to not make any part of the short pucker. I’ve washed that original pair and four+ additional pairs countless times. The only sign of wear on these has been the metal snaps showing a bronze patina and some earlier ones having the Velcro fly pill. Tasco took those back and replaced the Velcro free of charge, however, as the fly is not open, but rather a small V-shaped piece for you to move out of the way when you must tinkle it isn’t critical. The inseam lands just at the top of my knee cresting over my knee armor (mind the gap, yo!), and several large belt loops as well as a small lift ticket loop are present. I’ve never used either. The lift tickets I use are always on lanyards and the internal waist adjustment system has negated any deployment of a belt. There are other mountain biking shorts that have pull-tab Velcro waist adjustment straps, but Tasco’s are completely internal, simple and out of sight. No pinchy Velcro scrapping my flank and no elastic fashion faux pas.
The only negatives for the Scouts are that early-on Velcro issue (not really a problem) and that they stopped making other colors besides black and gray. The weight and lower breathability (Tasco makes a lighter weight version called the Fantoms) could bother some of slighter builds, but that’s about it. I have other pairs of riding shorts, but I reach for the Scouts 95% of time.
The Scouts are worth checking out if you are seeking a tough, understated pair of riding shorts. Go out and grab some and be the only person with a pair (unless you run into me and then we’ll have to fight to death as the prophecy has foretold). The cost, surprisingly, has remained the same since they debuted. Maybe they don’t sell enough of them because they are so indestructible. Regardless, I give the Tasco Scouts 4.9 outta 5 Bart Simpsons saying, “Eat my shorts, dude.”