Ah, the tricks my memory can play on me! Somewhere deep inside my noggin, unbeknownst to me, some smart-ass neurons are synapping back and forth laughing their asses off.
Shhh! Shhh! They giggle back and forth, like they are playing hide-and-seek with key memories that would sure as hell help me out right now. “No, don’t show him!” they whisper with snorts, holding back their laughter.
I stare at the floor of my garage, littered with all the elements — plus many extras — that one needs to assemble a functioning bicycle. There are handlebars, stems, wheels, tubes, tires, seat posts, saddles, grips, levers, nuts and bolts.
Some fit together, some don’t. It looks to me like a 100,000-piece Jackson Pollock jigsaw puzzle.
I squint and vaguely remember the good ol’ days. The Junior High version of Raz, flipping his dropbar JC Penney 3-speed onto its handlebars and saddle — we pause for me to proudly relish the fact that I twice in a row I called them saddles instead of seats, sounding like I know my shit when it comes to bikes!
Stay tuned for the truth.
Way back when, I could change a tire. Tighten a spoke. Replace a brake pad. And even, yes, wait for it, adjust my shifter (long before index shifting).
Those mischievous neurons, however, hold those memories hostage as I begin to reassemble my “backup” Bike Friday.
You see, less than 24 hours earlier, my wife came to me before her after-work ride, and said that the chain on her Bike Friday was skipping. She’s rehabbing from knee replacement surgery, and faithfully riding almost every day.
The last time this happened, I just took it to the bike shop, embracing my limited skills. The mechanic put it in the stand, spun it around a few times, and said all it needed was some lube and maybe a new chain for good measure. Done!
So I slopped Tri-Flow Superior Lubricant all over anything that moves on her bike. Rolled out to the Cul de Sac. Tested every possible gear combination, knowing that she’ll sometimes big-ring/big-ring or small-ring/small-ring it. Stopped and stood on the pedals for ultimate impact.
Voila! Saved a trip to the bike shop.
Of course you know what happened. She dropped her chain and crashed. Oh, the look on her face walking through, er, limping through the door!
A little more than 14 hours later, I’m at the bike shop. They’re gonna change the drive train. Can’t do it next week.
I text my wife and she says bring the bike home instead of leaving it there. She’ll take her chances.
No! I say, sounding overprotective, which is another way of covering one’s ass. I’ll put together the other Bike Friday.
A couple hours later, using a hammer that I’m sure no bike mechanic would consider using, among other tools, I have the Bike Friday assembled. It usually hangs in pieces because its original headset is a piece of shit — again, whoa, headset? Where did that come from? Is that what they call it? And hey, I even know its problem is that it’s threaded. What that actually means is Greek to me.
I wobble out to the cul de sac, and while it shifts and brakes and doesn’t make any strange noises, if you touch the front brake the rear end bucks forward like passenger cars — or toxic tank cars — in a train wreck.
I look at the small Giant road bike that we use for her on the trainer in the winter, hanging in the raters with skinny tires half the width of her BF, not to mention drop bars, wondering if she’d kill herself on that. Or only slightly aggravate her current wounds. Would it test the tensile strength of her titanium knee?
I get a text from the bike shop! Oh, they found free time. The Bike Friday is done. Come pick it up!
My brain reverts to the grade school version of Raz, who blows raspberries at those nasty neurons. I go pick up her Bike Friday.
The backup Bike Friday?
Oh, well, I’ll hang the finished product in the garage as proudly as if it were a Jackson Pollock. Would I ever ride it? Hell no! At least I can remember that!
This week’s question: To what extent would you trust your own bicycle mechanical skill, or lack there of?
I trust my own mechanical skills more than any bike mechanic I don’t know. The reason for this is because I worked in a bike shop for 8 years throughout high school and college with a few guest star appearances in my 20s. I know what level of mechanic the average shop lets work on bikes. I was an absolute beginner working on bikes. I taught other absolute beginners how to work on bikes.
My buddy makes a joke that bike mechanics are the lowest form of mechanic in that only in bike shops does it seem that absolute beginners get to work on bikes (first new bike set up, then repairs) for customers with no formal training. I am proof of that statement.
I am fortunate that I learned basic mechanical principles from the old heads at that shop. By the time I was a senior in high school I was the one that the picky customers requested and was the best wheelbuilder in the place. Between that experience, a year of auto mechanics in high school, a genuine curiosity of how things work, and the patience to research how to perform certain procedures, I have been able to keep my (and my wife’s) fleet of bikes, motorcycles, and cars running for the last 30 years. I also have the wisdom to know when to take the car to a real mechanic. The only thing I farm out on bikes or motorcycles are rear shock rebuilds and suspension revalving.
I wrenched in a few shops as a teenager. I can do most repairs and maintenance. If it’s something new and unfamiliar, there’s always a video on YouTube.
But now I’m at the “ you can pay someone else to do the work, but you can’t pay someone else to have fun for you” stage of life. Luckily, wrenching is still fun for me. But not as much fun as riding or many other pursuits. So now there’s more, “can I use my phone to pay?”.
I wrenched in a few shops as a teenager. I can do most repairs and maintenance. If it’s something new and unfamiliar, there’s always a video on YouTube.
But now I’m at the “ you can pay someone else to do the work, but you can’t pay someone else to have fun for you” stage of life. Luckily, wrenching is still fun for me. But not as much fun as riding or many other pursuits. So now there’s more, “can I use my phone to pay?”.
Now that I’m retired it’s good to know I’m “qualified” to work part-time as a bike mechanic!
I never worked in a bike shop and I usually do my own bike maintenance. I grew up re-packing loose bearings and adjusting cones. I completely tore down and rebuilt my first non-department store bike when I was in high school.
Last time I has a bike serviced in a shop was almost 10 years ago and I ended up redoing the hardest bit…. which was why I had the so do the work in the first place. I didn’t have the proper tools but I did a better job than the shop did. FWIW, the owner personally worked on my bike.
The only thing I don’t do is truing wheels. I never developed that skill. I don’t need wheels trued very often but that’s something I would take to my local shop. I can’t remember the last time I needed to get a wheel trued.
One of the less frequently touted benefits of disc brakes.
On a good day I’m 80-87%. At percentages above that I may get it done, but it takes longer (a lot longer) and may still not correct whatever the issue was. My available time, patience and mood all factor into this.
I can keep a bike running but I don’t build them up myself anymore. The compatibility issues are too much for this brain!