Useless Reviews

I'm a sweater. No. Not a cardigan, crew neck or crop top, a prolific perspirant, an excreter of egregious quantities of exercise-induced effluent. When the…

Howard Carter, the archaeologist who excavated the Tomb of Tutankhamun, and many of his crew endured a series of unfortunate events afterwards, including the…

For any writer, the chance to coin a phrase is something special. In 10 years when every bike shop has a special section devoted to gravdanas, someone will do…

The Law of Diminishing Returns posits that, at some point, increased investment in a specific process fails to bring commensurate gains. This is how I feel…

Look, don't phone judge me, ok? I am seldom more than a whisper away from hucking the thing in the hedge as I pedal along. The get-off-my-lawn brigade are…

The metaphors abound. In one, I am the minnow, squiggling and wriggling along, minding my own business with both eyes peeled for danger. The bus is a great…

Guys, I'm going to cut straight to the chase on this one. Chamois butter tastes terrible. It's not good on toast, a scone, an English Muffin. I wouldn't…

With time to reflect on my life choices, it seems obvious that this chimichanga was a bad idea. That I didn't give myself the chance to stop sweating before I…

I am not one of those people who pulls on a pair of latex gloves to work on their bike. I admire those people, in a way. They've got that pro vibe, and likely…

A few of you no doubt clicked on the link to this piece with a little trepidation. "Oh, hell," you might have thought. "Is he gonna crap all over kickstands…