Look, it’s not the fanny pack’s fault that someone decided ‘fanny pack’ was a good and reasonable thing to call it. It’s also not the fanny pack’s fault that, in Ireland, ‘fanny’ is another term for a woman’s private parts. And so you have this bag that is really useful and sometimes just the right size. It’ll hold your wallet and phone, a lip balm, an energy bar, a taser, and/or all of the Bitcoin in existence, and it can be worn in an entirely reasonable way, but it was, for a time, rejected by the market simply for having a dumb name.
My friend Thatch was a pioneer in the use of the fanny pack, back in the early ’90s during the FP’s original heyday. He adopted this affectation because he didn’t like having things in his pockets, and as an iconoclast of the highest order, he wore his frontways. We called it his “d#*% pack,” which bothered him not in the least. I’m not even sure when he ceased and desisted with his sartorial heresy, but even he eventually gave up on the fanny pack.
But the fanny pack was patient.
Over time, cooler heads prevailed as they (very occasionally) do, and then we got these brand-new bags called either “waist packs” or “sling bags,” both of which are just fanny packs with better marketing. The premise of the sling bag seems to be that you won’t remember it’s a fanny pack if you wear it in the least comfortable way possible, while the waist pack just claims a different part of your anatomy as the owner of the pack.
You and I know whose pack that really is though.
Once the waist had claimed it though, it got BIG. Some of those things are so big, you’d be awfully tempted to throw a couple shoulder straps on it and, oh, never mind. What you’d very seldom be tempted to do would be to sling it anywhere. I can only imagine the sling bag contingent thought they could make the fanny pack into a comically small courier bag and convince hipsters (no pun) it was a solid idea. “These people buy and wear Crocs outside of their homes,” they must have thought. “They’ll go for anything!”
I hope one day, when anthropologists look at how humans of our time grappled with the tough questions like, “Where should I put my Malt Nut Power Bar?” they see a populace grappling with the deeper questions of fashion, nomenclature, and ultimately the stark realization that we should have just evolved pouches like our better equipped marsupial friends. Until then, I recommend stowing your various and particular in a fanny pack and calling it whatever helps you sleep at night.
I was a fanny pack pioneer in the 90s because I was too cheap to buy ridiculously priced cycling jerseys.
We called them “ass packs”. Sheesh.
I have intermttantly favored assorted Fanny packs, Waist(waste?) bags, over the years. When they debuted in the 80s, I never liked them as an accessory. Then about fifteen years ago I began employing a version called a SPIbelt for my running efforts which I still use today. Around 2014 I ceased wearing hydration packs on mountain bike rides and haven’t looked back. I do however break out a waist pack in the form of a Bontrager Rapid pack or a Lab Austere pack for longer/warmer rides. Despite my previous anti-accessorizing statement I think one of these might be fun…https://www.goldsetmerch.com/webstore/municipal-waste-fanny-pack
I read this outloud to my wife, as she is a huge proponent of the fanny pack, and we both laughed uproariously.
Way back in my early days of mountain biking, Camelbaks were not yet a thing.. And when Camelbaks did come out, the first ones didn”t have any storage pockets. Fanny packs were the best. Once Camelbaks came out with some storage capacity, they fell by the wayside.
I am now back to using an Osprey waist bag for rides less than 2 hours, especially in the winter. I don’t have to worry about my tubing freezing. I jus use water bottles.