Racing. Training. I was in the middle of it all. I started dating someone. At some point my mileage decreased. I did not tell her. I made the choice to ride less to spend time with her. My choice.
She thought I spent a huge amount of time on the bike.
At a party. An old friend and I are talking; catching up on old times. She says, “Are you still riding as much as you used to”? I reply, “No way, I am putting in about half the miles I used to.” The lady I was dating? Her mouth fell open. My friend noticed … as did I.
Later my friend said, “Angie did not know you were riding less than in the past. I saw the surprise on her face. Why did you not tell her”?
My response, “I chose to do that. I was not trying to make her feel guilty or ‘get points’ or anything. It was what I wanted to do. It did surprise her though. She thinks I ride a crazy amount now … at half my past mileage.” Maybe I should have told her. We did talk about it after that night; she brought it up.
Relationships. There is only so much time in the day. Cycling is my fitness, both mental and physical. It is my escape time. It is my thinking time. It is important. Balance is important. My life is always smoother when I am consistently riding. There are times the mileage goes up and down though. Life, relationships, bikes, hobbies, family, community … they all must fit together like a great gumbo. But that gumbo is never the same today as it is tomorrow.
Indulge me with another story you might find amusing.
College. A relationship is coming to an end. We are talking and breaking up. It is not one of those scream, yell and throw dishes kind of breakups. Thankfully I do not choose that kind of person. So we are talking it through. As you might guess, there are times of silence as we both process information.
At one point in the middle of it all during a moment of silence she says to me, ‘What are you thinking?” I am an honest guy. I answer completely honestly and say, “about riding my bike.” That did not go over well. I tried to help her understand that is where I think and process information and that is why I was thinking about wanting to ride my bike. To process all of this. At first, she did not buy it. She thought I was ‘just wanting to get away.’ But truly, she knew me. After some conversation, she understood that I was being real. I was wanting to process that information, and the bike was my preferred method.
The breakup went fairly smooth – as far as breakups go. Thanks for asking.
The bike. It has an impact on relationships. Good. Bad. Someplace in between. I would share a more recent story, but for now… that story needs a bit of time.
My friend tells me his tandem saved his marriage. Not literally, they had a strong marriage. Realistically it helped strengthen it more. He owned a bike shop. He raced with me. His wife liked to ride. She said she wanted to ride with him. He told me it was always difficult. As he put it, “she wants to cruise around the neighborhood. She is always telling me I am going too fast. When I slow down to her pace I think I am going to fall over.” Hah.
His solution? He bought a tandem. He said it was perfect; He could pedal as hard and fast as he wanted and she would often just take her feet off the pedals. Regardless, they were still inches from each other. Each person got what they needed physically and mentally and they were together. I know – it is not always that easy … but in that situation it was a great decision and opportunity.
It goes further. There once was a ride where you rode your bike across the state. He and his wife did that ride on the tandem. I had recently moved far away, so I called and asked how the ride went. It was the longest distance they had ridden together (the longest distance she had ever ridden at that point). He said, “It was great. We both enjoyed it. Much of the time I think she had her feet off the pedals. At least when I looked, they were just sticking out in the air. I think she is the first person in the history of the ride to gain weight on that long bike ride. She loved it and wants to do it again.”
Hah. What a great statement. Not the details of the statement but the joy of the statement. The tandem brought them together. Together they enjoyed what they wanted on the ride. The tandem was a good decision, Clyde.
That story is not over. They have two children. He bought a stoker kit. A stoker kit raises the cranks on a tandem so a stoker (rear person) who is short (kid) can still ride and pedal. Both his kids grew up riding with him. Spectacular. That bike helped create enjoyable times with those he loves. Memories – wonderful memories of time together. That was many years ago. He still owns a tandem. The bike – specifically a tandem – was great for them. Yes, that is actually the couple in the picture … they sent it to me recently when I asked them about writing a piece of their story.
Do not hear me incorrectly, sometimes a tandem is a great solution and sometimes it is not. It is not magic. You know your relationship. You know if it is a good fit, and if you do not, please borrow one first … and go for a short ride.
Once I went on a tandem whitewater canoe trip. The couple with us – not pretty. The instructor/leader told me he has seen great married teams, and he has seen couples call each other things that he would not call his worst enemy. Enter that tandem world with great knowledge of the dynamics of your relationship. As all things – it can be anywhere on the continuum.
My experiences with tandems? I have some… but that is another story for another time.
The bike. Relationships. Impact. Good. Bad. Variable. Tell me your story …
