Chasing

What if you weren’t trying to win a race? What if being on the front wasn’t part of the plan?

A large part of life seems to be doing what’s expected of us. We get channeled down paths labeled ‘school’ and ‘career,’ maybe even ‘family.’ There’s a tacit agreement that we are all striving for the same things.

On the bike, it’s assumed we want to go fast. The older cyclists I know say things like, “I’m not as fast as I used to be,” as if apologizing for no longer being able to do it right.

This is all chasing. Chasing after goals someone else has set. Chasing after someone who seems to be ahead of us.

I’ve grown too old for that, and frankly too bored.

I’m not trying to win any of my rides anymore. I’m not trying to be the best at things.

When we stop chasing, new things are possible. Relieved of the duty to become something other people want us to become, we find satisfaction in becoming more of what we want to be. Ourselves.

My riding (I’m only 52) is a wholly different thing than it was 10 and 20 years ago, but it might be more fun and more satisfying than ever. Je ne regrette rien. I regret nothing. There are no shortcuts to the place I am now. I had to ride every inch to arrive here, and in all likelihood there’s much more beyond this that I still can’t see.

My writing, and TCI, are arriving in a similar place. We recognized lately that we aren’t like many other cycling websites. We might just not be good at making the sort of site the masses check in with every day to feel they know what’s going on with bikes. We don’t properly cover racing. We don’t pump out reviews. We’re not giving anyone the ten steps to tighter abs they’re clearly looking for.

On some level, unconsciously, we may have been chasing that. In competing for readership, we may have tailored some of what we do, we may have catered to what we thought the audience wanted.

But, as they say, “That dog just ain’t in us.”

We’ve decided to let ourselves change focus a bit, to be more ourselves, whatever that ends up meaning. The good news is that we’re all bike riders in our hearts, and the bike will likely remain the lens through which we see and make sense of the world. We’re not looking to close the door on bikes. We’re actually going to push that door open a bit more and see what else comes to the party.

We’re not trying to win any races, and we’re not trying to be anyone’s Bicycling.com.

Once you let go of trying to be on the front, the ride changes. You can get your head up and make choices about where you want to go, what you want to see, and where you want to end up. Maybe some of you will want to come along.