Entropy (noun): lack of order or predictability; gradual decline into disorder.
Disclaimer: I am not really* a “car-guy” despite having grown up with a parent who was in the car biz. My stepfather Jay was an auto wholesaler and worked for several dealerships in the region. He had the biggest influence on my driving, much to my mother’s chagrin. She forever felt I drove like a maniac. He also taught me basic mechanics e.g., changing oil, filters, plugs, minding fluids and basic detailing efforts. The latter became a way for me to earn some spare cash by coming down and cleaning, vacuuming and waxing all the used cars on his lot. This was mostly during the summer, so it was hot as hell, and I quickly came to realize that I would be cleaning the same cars week after week, not because they didn’t sell or I did a lousy job, but no matter how well I cleaned them, as long as they stayed in the same spot, they’d be filthy a week later. You could call it job security for me, and in addition to the modest pay I’d get, my stepdad let my band leave our gear at the dealership and practice in a dingy, back storage room in one of the garages after hours. Jay was an ex-Marine and Vietnam vet, was tough as nails, yet he was very kind, hilarious and always had our backs. He’s been gone twenty years now, but I still think of him often.
*Jay started me on my lifelong appreciation of the venerable “shitbox”. After a couple of cars that did not work out, I ended up with an ’81 Rabbit 5-speed. Despite everything in it falling apart, it was an amazing car to drive. It was not fast, but it’s handling, and manual transmission made it a blast. I still drive a manual to this day.
Another thing I am not is a “motorcycle-guy”. I am even less this than I am a car-guy. However, I have maintained a fondness for both over the years, though when it came to motorcycles my parents said if they ever heard I was on one they would kill me even if the bike did not. That said, I did spend plenty of time with motorcycle enthusiasts years later and was a sneeze away from getting my motorcycle license. Coincidentally, it was during this time that my obsession with mountain biking really took hold. Mountain biking won out, maybe because it was safer (mostly sort of) or less expensive (again, sort of), but most likely because it was less complicated. I don’t know.
Brief aside for this week’s music selections:
Plague Vendor: By Night More plague mess that I could have dumped in last episode, but I don’t need anyone getting sick on my account. Great catchy rocking punk in a similar vein as The Hives, but dare I say a bit harder hitting. There are many videos of their bugged out live performances, and I hope to see them in the not-too-distant future.
Slant: 1집 I had to include this one as this Korean band is rolling through the US currently and I am psyched to see them. Classic old school early 80s US hardcore from Korea. Does that make it “K-core” as questioned by the editor?
Rolling on, there were many things I learned from motorcyclists that I found useful in mountain biking. Handling, body position, braking, steering and more filtered down from motorcycling, especially motocross. Back in the long time ago, Salsa’s moniker reflected this. In the mid/late 90’s Shaun Palmer gave the mountain biking world a giant FU by wearing motocross gear in his competitions versus the de rigueur spandex kits of the time. It was neither faster nor performance oriented, but it looked cool AF and inspired tons of riders who suddenly saw mountain biking as its own thing versus just being roadies in the dirt.
Now back to that dirt. Filth, grime, grease, dust, grit and everything else your bike gets coated in on any/all rides. When it came time to clean my bike early on, I employed the same approach I had at my stepfather’s dealership. A hose or bucket of water, soap (first any old dish soap and then some diluted Simple Green) and rags to wipe it down. This however was a real quick way to have my bike making sounds I did not want to hear.** The water would force grit and grime around seals and a cacophony of squeaks would emanate from my sparkly steed. Luckily, it was the motocross world that had had so much influence on mountain biking that would once again inform my cleaning efforts.
**I happen to find two sounds bikes make appealing. I dig a loud freehub buzz (I9 Torch/Factor FTW!) all day. The louder the better. I know this is not a popular opinion, but whatever. Additionally, I find the echo of disc brakes honking in the forest pleasing, because I am a romantic like that.
I continued using water but next moved onto Suzuki Wash and various knockoffs. That stuff was formulated for removing mud and gunk from motocross bikes and would not destroy seals. It worked way better than anything I had used before and is still a good option. You lightly wet the bike down without blasting water at it. Then spray the bike down with Suzuki Wash, wait five minutes and lightly rinse everything off. Filth literally melts off without the need for water pressure higher than what might come out of garden watering can. Muc-Off makes their own version of it, and its ubiquity made it my go-to more recently.
A recent move left me without access to outdoor water. My bikes and gear now live in a storage complex about a mile from the condo we moved into, which was sadly bereft of any space for them. I was not too psyched about this at first, but the security, size of the space, and its proximity to some of my favorite trails have made me come to appreciate it. The question I had to answer was how to clean my bikes without any nearby water.
Once again Muc-Off and the world of motocross provided me (and maybe you) with a simple answer. Both of these methods are efficient and economical hence my Dirtbag Digression for this episode. First, there is Muc-Off’s Waterless Wash. This works just like their aforementioned wash, but no water is needed. You just spray it on, wait five minutes and wipe it off. I do this in the storage space hallway with some towels beneath the bike to catch drips. It works incredibly well and while there is some additional clean up needed, it’s nothing too taxing.
Honda Spray and Polish may be even easier to use though. My pals who did the van-life thing for a couple of years hipped me to this product. They used it on their bikes, never once traditionally washing them the whole time. You can either spray it directly onto grimy areas of the bike, or better yet, onto a microfiber cloth and then simply wipe the bike, tires and all, clean. No messy drips going this route. This stuff does in fact add an additional shine that the Muc-Off does not. Plus, you can wring out the microfiber cloth and reuse it over and over.
So, keep your steeds looking great, so you can get them dirty again and again, you bunch of filthy animals!